What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
