I cannot find my penis.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
