ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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