you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
