So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
