I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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