it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
