My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
