Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
