I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
