if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
