Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
