He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize