Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
