Im at strip club and am horny
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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