i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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