Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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