ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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