I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
