if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
