just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
