there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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