Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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