Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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