Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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