shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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