marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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