Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
