I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
