he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
