you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
