listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
