The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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