I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
