I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
