I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
