I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
