I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
