How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
