Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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