We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
