I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
