Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
