I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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