Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Randomize
