I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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