Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
