ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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