She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
