What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
