We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
