I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need a beard to bite.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
