I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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