sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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