I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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