every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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