I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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