I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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