so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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