we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
