And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
