why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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