I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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