I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
